So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again
- Bachelor Girl
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping
And it hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that
I need to walk away from
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
i've left you behind.
i've walked away and i'm not going back.
i'm not gonna go through all the s*** again.
you've got to be kidding me if you think i'll go back to the way things used to be.
just leave me be.
i'm happy where i am now.
very happy.
for one,
i love mobily fruit.
always will.
what iAMY has to sing, has been heard.
i need bodyguards. not that i'm attractive or anything, but when molested, i don't think the attacker pays particular attention to the face. you just need a body. so i'm being paranoid, can you blame a girl who would prefer to stay in one piece and not have to whoop anyone's ass with karate moves?
so help me. today's been an extremely long dreary day. even the 3 episodes of CSI back to back didn't help. although i must say the singapore idol auditions did bring an evil grin to my face. though i think they overdid it with the bad ones. they should have shown more of the better singers an not cram them into the last 2 minutes. how unfortunate really. but that is MASS APPEAL. the world loves something bad they can laugh at. i'm no different.
emails keep bouncing on me. i hope the teachers got my essays. or i'm just going to flip.
my mum and brother are leaving for chicago and iowa tomorrow morning. sean has odyssey of the mind competition in iowa, and my mum's just tagging along. they'll be back on the midnight of next week monday. rather sad really. i won't see them for 2 weeks. yes, i can count. 2 weeks. because i'll be off to NUS on the afternoon of next week monday.
feeling frustrated -- i haven't been able to kill this mosy that's biting me in my room. feeling emo. feeling dizzy. feeling sleepy - that, however, might be due to ben waking me up at 8.30 in the morning to give him his jeans. you will die. feeling melancholy - that is becoming a habitual mood.
love me.
never trust a man when he's sober. ask him again when he's drunk.
what iAMY has to sing, has been heard.
i was told some of the sweetest words and phrases last night.
the kind that just makes your day/night.
the words you wanna hear for the rest of your life as cliched as it may sound.
mmm.
well. lunch with the band on sunday. dric's bald. haha.
my my. next few weeks and days are busy ones. let's see what i have written on my diary.
12 May - PW meeting
14 - lunch with band
15 - pre-u seminar meeting and dinner at Holland V
- Declan's birthday
16 - Ming Li's birthday
- NAPFA 5 item test
17 - math test
- SYF (gotta go down and support ACSian Theatre at Hwa Chong)
18 - Krish's birthday
- Heng Bin's birthday
19 - Jie Si's birthday
20 - pre-u seminar dry run for presenters at NUS.
- Theasthai (DEP Monologue exam. yes yes, ALL YOU PEOPLE called kritboon, denise, chin hua, deanna, disha, maggie, tushar, etc, i'll try to make it down. QUIT BUGGING ME ALREADY).
- Khok Yen's and Shaun's party
22 - Khok Yen's birthday
26 - Shaun's birthday
- Restless 3 (ACJC dance night)
27 - AIDS Convention .. some drama thingy
28 - pack stuff
29 May-- 2 June - Pre-University Seminar at NUS
2 June - ACS Idol at barker
nothing until....
13 -- 24 - Bangkok training trip.
DAMN.
TALK ABOUT NOT HAVING TIME TO MYSELF and to spend with people/person/persons. yeh. how annoying.
crap. talking about training.
i have it now
OH I'M SO LATE.
what iAMY has to sing, has been heard.
i'm gonna fail every test possible to fail. namely chem and econs. they're insane. testing those 2 subs on the same day. AH.
can somebody PLEASE TELL ME HOW THE HECK YOU USE MOBLOG. i think it's sooo dumb. it won't even let me sign in! i keep logging in and it keeps konking out on me and shit. HOW ANNOYING. like pot would say: WHAT THE PONG!
we have to use it for Pre U Seminar to "get to know" our groupmates. mmmm
i'm in the same group with one AJC guy, CJC guy and girl, HCI guy and girl, a JJC girl and an MJC guy and girl. i'm the only ACJC person in the group. darn. nvm nvm, make new friends.
we're supposed to join the GUERILLA FILM CREW 04 for a project. a short film to be made in 10 hours. my life.
-.- it is seriously irritating the life out of me and my patience only lasts so long...
we had the Pre U Seminar briefing at SRJC today. it was quite funny. especially when we got to watch some short films made by youths who took part in FLY BY NIGHT film competition. the theme was FEVER. they took creativity to a whole new level. especially HUAT SIO. that was hilarious! the whole LT was in fits of laughter.
we sat in front of the RJC students. how intimidating.. i think... well.. no actually, not quite. ha.
then we had a dry run of our presentation. the laptop decided to konk out on us so.. there goes farhan's wonderful flash presentation. oooo well. we then stayed behind to watch HCI present. something about china and it's global economy. i can't quite remember. my bad. gerald was disturbing me see. AHA. nah nah, kidding, he was real nice and lent me his jacket cos i was cold and being nervous didn't help. but all went well. YAY. the facilitator loved it. so goody.
the speaker PAK MAN who did the intro and conclusion, from HCI. i don't think i spelt his name right, but as far as i heard, it's pronounced like that. he spoke pretty well, no offence to HCI, it's just people normally stereotype them to be incapable of speaking the english language, you know: chinese high - english low. i, of course, beg to differ. i know some people who're supposedly EXPERTS in the english language but sound like ahem, CHEENA AH BENGS. so anyway, this guy spoke well. he sounded rather like the anchorman on channel news asia, just with a slightly heavier chinese accent.
i kinda wished they'd have actually let us meet our group members in person rather than over moblog. i don't fancy getting to know someone over the internet and a mobile blogging system. daft.
yes i'm gonna complain about this moblog thing til the cows come home. moo.
at least we get to use a NOKIA N70 phone to video (sponsored by some company? i can't remember which). my bad.
friday is vesak day. i say HOLIDAY. yeh mun, yeh.
i'm gonna go out shuorty. and train too.
PW is a waste of my already wasted existence. PI, GPP, and all the nonsense along with it.
what iAMY has to sing, has been heard.
stop telling me about her.
it hurts.
my reactions are fake.
i'm me.
no more.
please.
torn.
why do you do this to me...
can't you see...?
what iAMY has to sing, has been heard.
blessed day. what's left of it anyway.
met hamzah at harbourfront. his hairstyle now.. i sooo sexy. i just need to tell everyone.
seriously.
sexy.
love it. <3
choices are really of the individual. i wish they'd let me make my own.
i'm tired.
rise and fall or fall from grace, rise again. makes no sense.
i don't really make cents.
wish i'd make dollars.
then i'd be a friggin' millionaire.
then maybe i'd get to make my own decisions...
nah.
ain't happening.
i miss people.
i miss a person.
thanks for that small gesture today, i needed it.
get well disha.
lunch tmr.
if you can step, you're fine...
if ya gotta roll...
we need a contractor.
i think there's a dent in the floor.
it's ok if you don't get what i'm writing.
thoughts going through my head...
quickly
and
randomly.
everything's rather disjointed.
i shall watch tv.
call me...
lethargic.
what iAMY has to sing, has been heard.
before i knew you'd be more.
i wish i could forget all those things that happened to me or otherwise. i wish people could forget them too. but that's not possible. i must come to terms with it, and accept the consequences. the hurt, the pain, the irritation and what not, whether gained or caused.
justin said in jest that i'd never been innocent. i'm beginning to find truth in that statement, i can only hope i'm making a mountain out of a molehill. as compared to what others have done, my crimes would seem insignificant, but that does not make me better than them. i still did something wrong.
i need to let go.
you need to let go.
i cannot hold on to the past. always wondering what might have happened had i done things differently. i don't mean i should forget - though i wish i could, but rather, to come to terms with it and let go. what i've done in the past, i've done. i can regret all i want to and i can apologize all i want, but the fact is, i'd done it. so i can only make the best of it. please, let go. i am not the person sitting at delifrance or dancing on stage. i am the person who is standing beside you and tripping over the next step or walking into walls.
waiting.
i have to stop all this nonsense. i need to get my life sorted out and start walking on my path. the path i was on but veered off halfway.
cruzing along.
i know where i'm going.
... but i'll need help. would you?
what iAMY has to sing, has been heard.